December 23, 2007 – 09:56
Prince Jefri at heart of Royal Academy‘s Russian art theft fears
Written by queen mudder
London – (Even Worse Ass Mess): Brunei’s most accomplished terrorist gangster Prince Jefri Archer is at the heart of allegations that artworks systematically looted from the UK ended up in Russian mobsters’ hands.Many of the stolen pictures were to have been shown in a Royal Academy of Arts Russian-themed exhibition in London early next year until the Foreign Office became alarmed at the sheer magnitude of law suits authorising the impounding of the stolen pictures. The court claims are backed up by evidence from Interpol, the Serious & DIsorganised Crimes Agency and the FBI. They show that as soon as current UK Prime Monster Gorgon Brown became Chancellor of the Exchequer in 1997 he authorised a huge art, property and other assets heist by a terrorist who has successfully impersonated the Sultan of Brunei’s younger brother for over a decade. Prince Jefri Archer then proceeeded to run amock thieving and looting his way through British and American-owned treasures including 15 Monets, 12 Picassos, five Gaugins, six Van Goghs, four Matisses, eight Pissarros and up to two hundred other priceless masterpieces. And all the while then-Home Secretary Jack Straw ensured Brown’s insturctions for UK cops to turn a blind eye to these shenanigans ensured a speedy squirreled away to Russia under the guise of beaked bean exports. Private investigators soon tracked down the artworks and found a trail leading to a massive £25 billion heist that Jefri masterminded ostensibly as Chief Financial Officer in charge of investments at the Brunei Investment Authority. “The man’s a little, thieving shit,” top Met source said today, “and was working solely for the Pioneers Group that bankrolled Vlad ‘The Impaler’ Putain into orifice just as soon as Russian President Boris Yeltsin was confirmed as suffering tertiary syphilis back in 1999.” Jefri was recently ordered by a panel of senior Law Lords to return all stolen asset portfolio items. And up to sixty writs have been served in London and abroad for the return of the artworks he plundered. The January 26 Royal Academy exhibition was to have been guaranteed by ex-Culture Secretary Tessa Jowl. But all that seems to have gone down the pan now as the artworks’ rightful owners threaten to spill the beans in public on one of the biggest art heists ever masterminded by politicians in the UK.